Our Tragic Reality

 

 

 

In society, we are heavily conditioned to obey even before we leave the womb. Our choices grow limited from being contained in this box that has already been predetermined for us by expectations. We don’t even have the capability in the beginning of existence to speak out and say what we really want; we can only conform to the assumptions of others. Throughout our lives, we are forced to endure the ‘Cycle of Socialization’, it starts with the biases, history, and tradition that we are unconsciously, unknowingly born into. Next, we are taught on an individual level from people we love and trust that we must conform to what society deems normal. Bombarded by messages of segregation, we are told it is just our education. This cycle is so ingrained into our daily life, it takes nine weeks of studying society just to pinpoint all of the ways our identity is shaped by outside forces. In the words of Bobbie Harro from The Cycle of Socialization, “We are innocents, falling into an already established system.” The society I want to live in doesn’t exist yet, but I am trying to search for answers to my identity, to destroy cisgender and heterosexual as the default, to teach myself that I am worthy of representation, to acknowledge that my identity does not rely on society’s comfort level, and to believe that my ability to conform has no correlation to my identity being valid.

 

Is it normal that I find myself scouring the internet to taste just a scrap of my history when you have a buffet because our education system deemed me the one of unimportance? The first time I heard about the Stonewall Riots, it was not from a college-educated teacher, it was briefly mentioned in a three-minute video about civil rights. In the article “It’s Time to Write LGBT History into the Textbooks,” David Carter stated, “The omission of LGBT history from the nation’s classrooms is a serious problem for a number of reasons, first and foremost of which is that a democracy requires tolerance, fairness, and an informed society. This gap in history textbooks sends the message that our story is one of inferiority.” I had to learn what ‘gay’ was while hiding under the covers searching Tumblr for a reason I felt so alone surrounded by those I considered friends. People all around me would talk about boys and wonder why I never had a crush; why I always felt so uncomfortable when the subject came up. I never knew I was different because everything I was supposed to be was all I knew, all I was taught; the possibility of something else had never been offered. If I had learned what I could be, that I could be, I would have so much more practice believing I was not insane for refusing to think that uncomfortable was my normal.